In the past year, the demands of my job function have increased dramatically. I am fortunate that I love what I do as well as the company I work for. All of that aside, I am not home as much as I used to be. I was asked an interesting question last week. I was asked if I feel guilty because I am gone so much. At first I just smiled, then I thought about the answer. I love the mom guilt questions. I have never heard anyone ask a man if he feels guilty because he works hard to provide for his family. The answer I gave was this… I don’t feel guilt about the hours I spend working. I rarely feel guilt about any choices I make with my kids. There are some decisions, if I could change I would, however in the moment I did what I thought was best. It would be easy to look back and feel guilty that I did not do “this” or that I did “that”, but honestly, what would that do for me? Back to do I feel guilty about my time away from my family, in a word no. What I do feel is a realization of time. My kids are growing up so fast. Bennett is 11.5 and Brax is 1.5. I can’t tell you where the time with Bennett went. I look at him and am flooded with memories of the toddler and preschool years. I am beginning to realize how much time he spends with friends outside of our house. He is doing more and more without me. Time, time is ticking away. Braxton is a little person now. He went from baby to toddler in the blink of an eye. This weekend we hiked up to the top of the property and let him run around. He must have run for over an hour, exploring, climbing, chasing me, following me, and talking up a storm. I looked at him and thought about a year ago, he was not crawling or walking yet. We carried him everywhere and he was only saying mama and dada. Again, I am aware that time is speeding along, my boys are growing up.
Obviously more time with them would be ideal, but that is not a possibility. So I do two things. I try to spend as much time with Brax as I can. Even if it is just watching him play or telling him not to touch the dirty dishes in the dishwasher as I load it or snuggling or hiking, I just try to get time in. At his age it is all about the amount of time. Bennett on the other hand, I try to spend quality as well as quantity. Maybe it is B and I going to the store, just the two of us or sitting together chatting while watching a movie or going on a long quad ride looking for wildlife. I want to make the most of our time together. Lucky me, he is still a hugger. I love my big B hugs.
To wrap it up, guilt is not something I feel a lot of when it comes to my kids. I want to focus on the things that are great, the fun memories and the quiet times. When I realize I could have made a better decision, then I know for next time. My wish is that as mom’s we supported each other more and did not look for reasons that what another mom is doing is inadequate. I wish we could just all accept that everyone does it differently and that is okay. Lift your fellow mom up, because we all have days we need someone to tell us we are okay.
Here is how I know my munchkins are thriving…
Bennett is his full Seahawk gear this weekend. If I am honest, this is a daily outfit. I adore his love for his team. It reminds me of my love for my Niners at his age
Braxton rarely smiles for the camera, so I was so happy to get this shot this weekend. He is my munchkin!
The weather ideal for sighting his scope in this weekend.
Coming back from the top of the property we posed for a selfie.
This is where my boyes are growing up.
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